it's been a long time since i wrote something.....perhaps it is a sign that i need to devote more time to relaxation and real thinking...too many things in life wear you out and make you regret what you are doing or planning to do...why is that? is everything in life just meant to be exhausting?...what would the purpose, then, be for jokes or movies or books or friendship? but at the same time, if we have no time for these things, then why are they there in the first place?

i was sitting at a friend's house last night after most of the party had left. my friend and i were on the couch, his brother sitting on a chair nearby. we were watching some late-night comedy thing, but i was almost too tired to pay attention. it's moments like this that i wonder about. i was laying down, my friend sat by my head on the couch. i was nodding off, but i think that something in my expression or my tone of voice tipped him off to how i felt or something. he spent the entire time we sat on the couch rubbing my back, just being there for me. i am a very physical person; i love hugs and holding hands and any type of contact with another person. it's friends like him who make me happy about who i am and the life that i'm living.....

rambling is the best type of therapy a person could ever encounter.