what i'm thinking

let me think about it.
no.
do you ever get that feeling that you actually don't want to talk about something? normally, if you feel upset, that old adage comes to mind: misery loves company. or, at least a shoulder to cry on. in this instance, you would seek someone out (poor schmuck) who is willing to listen to your pathetic, stupid, irrational problem and say "poor baby".
but then you get this rare instance. you don't want to talk about it. maybe you do want to bottle it up until it explodes. who gives a fuck? if someone wants to not talk about something, do you think you'll get them to talk by not understanding why they don't want to talk? who made you "dear abby"? did it ever occur to you that i might want to figure this out on my own? perhaps i realize that what i'm thinking is irrational, and that i need to figure it out before i say something i don't want to.
so that got me thinking: is that so weird?
are we a society of whiners and listeners? and more importantly, which one am i? whiner? i might tend to think that one, just b/c. but then again, i often get roped into listening to other ppl's problems. am i both? more broadly, aren't we all? but doesn't that suck for the rest of the world? no wonder there are so many psychiatrists and they're all so well paid.
guess what i'm probably going to be seeing for the rest of my life? yep. you got it. a shrink. do you want a cookie?

maybe i shouldn't write stuff while i'm so....grrrr. there isn't a word. the entry above pretty much explains it.

~q.e.

wmhsmun takeover

so my life has been taken over by wmhsmun for the weekend. little high schoolers abound around campus, and it seems like the rain has made them multiply, somewhat like gremlins. it is amazing that so many can invade the uc without creating a stampede. i went to the conference for the last four years, but i never realized how big it really was. luckily i'm in a small committee, so i don't feel as overwhelmed with them as i thought i might be.

went to the young democrats convention meeting. seems like i was the only one there who was an underclassman and/or had never been to a single convention. davis, the guy in charge seemed to think i was cool, so he didn't act like i didn't belong there. i ended up talking to dennis, which helped my outlook on life.

to be continued, b/c my roomie is yelling at me to get off her computer....:)

fuck!

life is complicated, i never know what is going to make me cry or laugh next....i'm not sure what to think about what is happening; some parts i'm sad about, other parts make my heart jump with the thought of the possibilities...i'm teetering on a fine line between depression and giddyness, and i'm going to fall one way or the other...

should i mourn or celebrate?

most of the depression part of this is in conjunction with the recent bullshit election of 2004. however, i will refrain from writing about this, mostly because i just get more stressed out when i even think about it...i'll leave it to the experts to tear it apart and put it back together.

the rest of this is in regards to something else. or i should say, someone else.
i met this amazing guy.
i can't really pin it down, but something about who he is...his honesty, his sincerity, his humor...something makes him one of the most desirable guys i've ever met. i find myself telling him about stuff in my life that i wouldnt burden my roommate with, such as all my recent problems...he's turning out to be someone i can be completely honest with. mostly. i don't know. he has a lot of shit going on in his life, especially his love life...i don't want to get more involved with that mess than i already am, but it's getting harder. i'm having problems as well, ones that don't have immediate answers.
why can't relationships be more simple? example: one person likes one other person, and the feeling is reciprocated, without superfluous others getting involved. although in this type of hypothetical situation, i know i would get the shit-end of the stick, at least then i would be sure of where i stand. blech.

to put it simply (quoted from the one mentioned above):
~But....I _really_ want to know more about you and get to know you
~You're cute, but at the same time you're so...wonderful that I can't help but be honest to you and tell you my relationsip problems. But I really should keep my relationship problems secret if I wanted to ask you out on a date

WHAT DO I DO?!?!